I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
