I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
