Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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