I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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