oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
