We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
