Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
