We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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