Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.

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(512): View more from Texas

I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

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(319): View more from Iowa

In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.

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(305): View more from Florida

The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.

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(406): View more from Montana

I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion

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(831): View more from California

high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person

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