On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
