I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
