47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
