Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
