i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Bring me that man meat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
