dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
