Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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