Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
