I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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