I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
