Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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