That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
