your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I cockslap morals
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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