At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
