I can tuck mytits in my pants
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
