I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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