There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
this boner is exhausting
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
