i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
