we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's blow job season.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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