Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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