he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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