I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
