I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
we should paint friendship bongs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
