I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Randomize
