Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
