Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
