He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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