yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
