so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
COCAINE IS GR8
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
