I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
