if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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