My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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