im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
