Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
