What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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