put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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