this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
