I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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