You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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