They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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