sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
