So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
