You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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