yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
