so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No...this little piggys going to the bar
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
