1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
