TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
